I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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