I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
