I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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