i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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