i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
