dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
