Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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