And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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