So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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