I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
