Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
