you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
