Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
