I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
