some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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