So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
