I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
