Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
