i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
