so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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