i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
