I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
