is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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