Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize