I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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