Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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