her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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