can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
