if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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