i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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