real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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