You just made me feel so damn special
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
