Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize