just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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