I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
a search helicopter?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
