Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize