Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
