yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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