i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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