I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
