Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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