fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
