I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize