I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
