if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
