Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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