he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't turn off my feet"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
