a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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