I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
