I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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