New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
