she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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