the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
