does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
