He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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