i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
