mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
