it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
