if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
