How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
