NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
