my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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