Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
