her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
