i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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