We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
