"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
3 2 1 whiskey
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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