Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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