she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
