i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
