Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
